More and more I catch myself using such expressions—in particular the ones my Mom or Dad used—which are common here in the South, but likely nowhere else. And to be clear, there are subdialects in the South that may be as different as Texas from Georgia, and certainly, Louisiana has more than one subdialect. Still, there are commonalities (scroll down after this post to see a list). As a young man, I’d have pitched a hissy fit if you told me I spoke like my parents. For you transplants from the North or other geographies, “hissy fits” are akin to tantrums. In contrast, “conniption fits” are going postal. Technically speaking, you never "have" either a hissy or conniption fit—you "pitch" them.
My three brothers and I rarely sent Mom into a conniption fit. When we did, however, her face turned red and her eyes burned like flares. She followed her growl through gnashed teeth with a demonic, “hellfire damnation!” That’s when we scattered for the hills, baby. Mom rarely used anything past “gosh!”.
But I digress. Parental-based expressions in our speech are not uncommon. Why we tend to do this as we get older is simply part of genetic continuity—as well as comfort. That’s especially true for those of us who are parents. Sometimes we go with default programming because kids tax your brain to the limit, and that programming comes from our parents. The perpetual, “Because I said so,” is a good example. The Southern version is simply, “Cuz I said so, that’s why!” Southerners like dramatic emphasis when they argue with their kids—it provides finality.
Of course, some things you just never let go of, despite your age. The iconic Southernism, “y’all” is one. However, usage differs for singular and plural. The singular is “y’all” whereas the plural is “all y’all.”
I uttered another ism when my middle son and I were replacing a flush valve in a toilet—good father and son time for Texas boys. Once we got 'er done I looked at Will with a smile and said, “Good enough for govement work, son.” I’d hear my Dad say that whenever he finished a repair. And, yes, down here the R and middle N are silent when speaking the term, "government."
"Fix" is a quirky term, too. It can mean “to repair,” although more commonly it is used as an adverb—qualifying an action, such as, “I’m fixin’ to do the lawn,” or, “I’m fixin to go to work.” As well, “fixin” can be a noun when you add an S. “I got some fixins for the hamburgers and hot dogs.” Of course, you use fixins to “doctor” your food—that one I got from my grandmother on my mama’s side.
Family relations bring another ism into the conversation. Shaking hands with a senior Southerner, more often a woman than a man, you might be asked, “So who are your people?” That’s not an ethnic reference, simply a weird way of asking about your family lineage. Like a Klingon, you are who your family is.
You should also note that Southerners often refer to themselves in the plural. We don’t know why—maybe it stems from a limited gene pool in our rural past, or it’s just something unexplained and belonging in the X-files (Black Mirror for you twenty-somethings) of human behavior.
Southerners certainly have more isms and idiosyncrasies than Carter has little liver pills—that much I can say. These things seem to bind generations no matter how metropolitan our southern cities become or advanced we think we are. Both my parents were educated and, yet, they could sometimes sound as if they were from the sticks. Maybe that’s the secret: That Southernisms are like grandma’s pie—comfort food. When everything moves at warp speed—just kick your shoes off, set a spell, and get to jawin with a good friend or kin.
All y’all take care now, ya hear!
Note: This column originally appeared in the Bellaire Examiner, 27 June 2007.
Southernisms
A Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and
that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,
beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, - as in: "Going to town,
be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
a white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle
of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term,
but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck,
a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal
is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line,"
. . . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related,
even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried
green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in
the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk"
means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart," . . . and go
your own way.
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff, - bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on
Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time,
all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the
South, but I got here as fast as I could."
be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
a white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle
of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term,
but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck,
a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal
is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line,"
. . . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related,
even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried
green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in
the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk"
means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart," . . . and go
your own way.
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff, - bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on
Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time,
all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the
South, but I got here as fast as I could."
